Broken
by coin operated boii
Summary: Gokudera knows some things can’t be fixed. His point in proven in the worst of ways.


I thought this one up when I was showering, haha. It'd been a really, really long day. School had been long and tedious and I didn't get ANY sleep because of homework and ended up showering at six AM just before going to school to take THREE mid-terms…So yeah I wasn't in the best of moods, though I wasn't particularly angry. I was sort of depressed so I guess that's how this was born. Anyway, hope you like it.

Title – Broken  
Author - Me  
Rating - PG13

Pairing - Yamamoto/Gokudera, mentions of Tsuna.

Warnings – Character death. Mucho angst.

Summary – Gokudera knows some things can't be fixed. His point in proven in the worst of ways.

* * *

Gokudera wonders.

He wonders if he was right or wrong, but he's almost sure he was right.

Because some things can't be fixed. No matter how much or how hard you try there are some things that just can't be fixed. And it didn't matter than some rather stupid and naïve person thought otherwise.

Most of the time he thinks Yamamoto is wrong. Deadly and utterly wrong. No pun intended.

Some things stay broken forever. Sometimes it's just pretend. Things pretend to be fine again, to be fixed, in order to fool others; but underneath it…they're still broken. That's why it's just a game of pretend, like in Peter Pan. Because kids can pretend easier than adults.

Yamamoto had a belief that everything could be fixed. A cold could be fixed with chicken soup, medicine, liquids and plenty of rest. A stomachache could be fixed with some warm tea or milk and plenty of bed rest. 'Sicknesses are easier to fix', he used to say, 'medicine can cure mostly everything and if not there are a thousand and one home remedies that can do the trick'. But in his opinion it helped that there was someone taking care of you.

Some things can't be fixed.

Others just take a shitload of time to mend.

Like a broken heart.

And Gokudera would always argue that heartbreak can sometimes stay that way and that maybe it can't be fixed no matter how much you try.

Yamamoto had a home remedy to fix things. A gentle smile, arms wide open and the offer of a shoulder to cry on.

Gokudera thought his home remedy was shit. Never mind the fact that it always managed to fix him.

And so Gokudera wonders now, as he stands there underneath the dark gray sky and the threatening rain-fat clouds and the gloomy weather that seemed to fit his mood so perfectly. He stands still, cigarette, between tightly closed lips, burning away; hands deep in his pockets and head low, and wonders.

He wonders about a lot of things. And he thinks about a lot of things he perhaps shouldn't be thinking about.

He wonders as everyone leaves, even the Tenth…and he keeps wondering. Even when the clouds decide it's finally time to release their water and a light breeze starts to fall.

Yamamoto will not be waiting with open arms, a surprisingly gentle smile on his face and the offer of a shoulder to cry on at the exit of the cemetery. He will not be waiting for Gokudera to finish. He won't ever wait again.

And so Gokudera wonders.

He wonders if maybe things can be fixed or if maybe some things stay broken forever.

He takes a long drag of the cigarette before the rain finally puts it out. He breaths in slowly, enjoying the taste of sickness in his body almost as if that would stop the pain. He lets out a slow and steady cloud of gray air and watches as it dissolves. All that's left is the butt and he doesn't care enough to throw it away and step on it. He doesn't care about the rain. He doesn't care about his expensive suit getting wet and soaked, or the fact that he might get sick from standing outside in the rain when it's cold.

He doesn't care.

He wonders if one day he might care again.

Rain is supposed to symbolize purity, the washing away of the sins. But Gokudera wonders if maybe they got that wrong too. Because he doesn't feel any different than before.

Gokudera wonders and keeps wondering. His eyes never leaving the decorated and yet simple slave of stone on the ground. The flowers all over the place seem to brighten up the small patch of dirt. Gokudera wonders if Yamamoto was allergic to any of them. He finds that morbidly hilarious for some reason and feels like laughing except his body won't laugh.

He wonders if one day he'll smile again. He wonders if one day everything will be back to the way it was, but he knows it won't ever be the same.

Yamamoto was wrong after all.

And he wonders if the baseball idiot knew it all along. Perhaps his true goal had been to trick Gokudera into thinking everything could indeed be fixed.

He wonders if the pain will leave one day. Maybe one very far-off day in the future. And he also wonders if he'll miss the pain then.

The rain is heavy now to the point where it should hurt but it doesn't. Gokudera wonders if he's lost all feeling in his body.

A hand goes up to his mouth to grab the soaked butt of the cigarette. He throws it on the ground, steps lightly on it and twists his foot.

He doesn't say good-bye, because there's no need.

He already said it.

And that's why he leaves…wondering still, and without saying good-bye.

With hands deep in his pockets and head hanging low, the rain cascading down on the shell of a man he now is.

Because some things just aren't meant to be fixed.


End file.
